it seems that every year on this day, i wake up really early. five years ago today i was woken up by my dad at 5 am, telling me that one of the most important men in my life passed away. this morning i was awakened by the loud crashing of the waves. for a few minutes i just lay in bed.. reflecting... remembering. five years seems too long. especially when it all still feels like it happened just the other day.
i miss jacom a lot. i admired him so much. growing up, my sister and i fought a lot, like most sisters do. but when jacom stepped into the picture, i feel like that is when beka and i became so close. beka has even told me how it made her so annoyed that i loved jacom so much more than her. maybe it was because i was young when jake came into my life, but i thought he was the best. i loved jake and beka's love. theirs will always be my favorite love story. it tops any fairy tale by a mile. i always rooted for jacom. my sister and i got in legitimate fights when they were on a break because i wanted them to get married. the day my sister told me that they were engaged, i cried.
i think my favorite memory of jacom is when he first came to our house in georgia. i grabbed as many embarrassing pictures of beka that i had and told jake to follow me. we ran down the hallway upstairs as my sister chased us and locked the door to the room we were in. we sat against the door and i showed jake all the photos as beka pounded on the door, screaming at me to stop and let her in. jake and i just laughed and laughed.
no one will ever compare to him. he was the greatest brother to me. he teased me so much. but i loved it. i love him.
i see my sister who turns 30 tomorrow, and hayden who turns 6 in eleven days. and i'm reminded that time moves forward.
my heart hurts a lot for hayden. i still feel like this little kid and i can't help but feel connected to him. granted, our experiences aren't comparable because i got 21 years with my dad and hayden only got 1. the first few years after jake's death, i had some of the most special moments with hayden. memories that are too sacred and special to share with the blogging world. but moments that testified to me that jake would always still care for hayden and be there. i know he looks after all of us.
i know jacom and my dad are together right now.
what a glorious day it will be when we are all reunited again.
i can't wait.
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