i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i've always had a bucket list written down of things i want to do before i die. and i was looking at my wonderful friend nichel's blog the other day and saw that she posted her bucket list on her blog which i loved. so i decided to do the same incase any one is interested. it's posted on the side bar and it will probably expand more as the days, weeks, and months go by. if you haven't made a bucket list, i think ya should.
thanks neesh for the idea, oh and i had to steal one of your ideas for my own list (: love it and love you
i woke up to an empty house. parents already gone to fulfill their daily routines. i spent my day at work surrounded by 2-year-olds. returned home to an empty house. and spent the evening lying on my friends bed talking about the random things of life.
simple.
it's all very simple.
but simple is okay. because finding the extra something out of those ordinary moments are what make each day special. each day extraordinary.
because it was those extraordinary moments like hearing my nephews voice on the phone, telling me he loves me.
the extraordinary moment when the 2-year-old boy at my work runs to my side to give me a huge hug when i walk through the door.
the extraordinary moment when that good song came on the radio and i belted out those words, successfully hitting that high note.
it's all very simple.
very ordinary.
yet, life... that's what is so extraordinary.
so today i consider myself blessed because today i lived,
i'm sitting here with a million thoughts scrambling through my head. yet, as my hands lay on the keyboard i'm at a loss for what to write. i guess i'm trying to find some clarity.
clarity clar·i·ty [klar-i-tee] noun: clearness or lucidity as to perception or understanding; freedom from indistinctness or ambiguity.
i love that definition. freedom from indistinctness or ambiguity. i need that freedom. i need to understand. but in life things aren't always crystal clear. and when things are a little foggy, or blurred, i think that's where we turn to God. because i believe he is the only one that can clarify anything. after all, isn't he the one that knows all?
so i've been trying to get some clarity. but it's probably the most confusing thing. it's just like when it rains and you're driving in your car. when you look out the window everything is blurred. you can halfway see what is out there. but it's not entirely clear. but when we use our windshield wipers, it can become clear again. weird connection i know, but stay with me on this. well it's our choice on whether or not we use our windshield wipers right? they are always there for us, and we decide when to use them. i think it's the same way with God. he is always there for us. but we are the ones that decide when to use him. i think a lot of the times though we come to him during trials. but it shouldn't be that way. we should always have him apart of our lives and always turn to him. yes, i know we shouldn't use our windshield wipers on a perfectly sunny day haha. but i think you guys know what i'm trying to say here.
so right now things are a little blurred on my window. i'm trying really hard to stay strong but i'm desperately searching for some clarity.
trying to find peace these days is like trying to find a cure for cancer.
nearly impossible, but there's still a hope.
that hope is what i'm clinging onto right now. i've always believed that having hope during tribulations is very important. because that hope is what gets you through.
today my hope is that i find some peace.
i hope that i can bring someone else some peace.
i hope that God will give me the strength i desperately need right now.
i hope that others will try harder to be kind to each other.
i hope that my prayers will be answered.
i hope that i can be happy.
i hope that i can be good enough for someone one day.
i hope that a cure for cancer will be found.
i hope that i can find some peace.
i guess that's all i can do right now. cling onto the hope that tomorrow will be a better day.
i'm not really sure why bad things happen to good people.
or why good people do bad things.
i guess life is a constant struggle between good and bad.
but why?
since i was a little kid i've been taught to be kind to others. good.
i've been taught that sharing is caring. good.
i've been taught to say please and thank you. good.
i've also been taught to not steal gum from the grocery store. bad.
i've been taught to not yell at others. bad.
i've been taught that fighting is never the answer. bad.
yet here i am, 19 years old and life is still a constant struggle between good and bad.
i don't know why good people do bad things. i can understand good people making mistakes. but i can't understand why good people do bad things. i never want to hurt others. so why do other people hurt me? why have i hurt others in the past? i've learned from my mistakes though. and i've grown from them. my mistakes make me who i am today. when i was 5 years old and i stole gum from the grocery store i learned that that was a very bad thing to do. and i never did it again. i learn from my friends mistakes as well.
so if we as human beings in society have the ability to learn from other peoples mistakes, then why do we still do bad things? i just don't understand.
a friend told me a lesson she heard about how sometimes God wants us to get to a higher peak. however in order to get to the next peak, we must go down a valley. but if we have the knowledge that after we get through that valley the next peak will be so much higher than before, then we can have hope. those valleys will be hard. they will hurt. they will test us. but the next peak will be such a great reward.
so why do good people to bad things?
why do bad things happen to good people?
i can't answer that question because i don't know why. we make choices on our own and those choices are what hurt people. but as for now i need to hold onto the hope that i can get through any valley that comes my way.
dear 16-year-old me,
you don't need to keep your hair so long, i promise it'll still look good and long with a few more inches cut off.
dear 16-year-old me,
hold onto your friendships, bc they will mean the world later on.
dear 16-year-old me,
make more of an effort to hang out with your parents, bc you won't have many more years left at home.
dear 16-year-old me,
start pursuing what you're passionate about now.
dear 16-year-old me,
having a boyfriend is not the most important thing in the world.
dear 16-year-old me,
the SAT and ACT are really stupid, so don't let it get you down if you don't do well. (you're still going to get accepted to every college you apply to)
dear 16-year-old me,
don't go to the tanning bed. yes, you look better with a tan, but it's going to double my chances of getting melanoma.
dear 16-year-old me,
please use sun screen. a little is better than nothing.
dear 16-year-old me,
when you're 19 you'll go to the doctor to get a spot checked out on your nose. she'll say the word skin cancer and you'll block everything else out as that pit in your stomach grows.
dear 16-year-old me,
don't be scared. this isn't about being scared. it's about being informed.
dear 16-year-old me,
she'll give you lots of information and explain how this time she can burn it off and it should be okay. but she'll also explain to you how you're chances of having more are now likely. she'll explain to you the need to be more careful in the sun.
dear 16-year-old me,
this is not melanoma. but this is a warning.
dear 16-year-old me,
i know you love being tan, but don't worry, you will end up going to college in hawaii and you can be tan year round. so don't be so careless about your skin now. it is important to be the most cautious when you are younger.
dear 16-year-old me,
i know you're not actually going to see this, but someone else will and maybe they will be more careful.
dear someone else,
please be careful. use sunscreen. i promise you, sunscreen is much better than cancer.
