>wings as eagles.

the weeks are passing faster than ever these days. 

i spent the morning celebrating at my friend, taylor's, bridal shower. her and grant are beyond perfect together and i'm so excited for them. i couldn't imagine a better match. so much love for you two. 

as the afternoon rolled in, we peaced out to waimea and later stopped by in halewia. 

all in all, today was a good day. and yet as i'm sitting in my bed, city and colour streaming through my headphones, i'm feeling down. i know we can't always expect every day to be absolutely wonderful and to constantly be in the best of spirits. life happens, things go wrong, people hurt us, and sometimes we get upset. if anything, sometimes it's just a frustrating and exhausting feeling. i wish there was an on and off button for your emotions and your thoughts. tonight i'm feeling a lot of different things. and while there's no need to vent to the entire blogging world all my pathetic emotions, i will say the one that is getting me the most tonight is the feeling of not being good enough for someone else. but thankfully i've got that girl in the picture above to squeeze me, wipe my tears off my face, and share some comforting advice. 

i know i'll wake up tomorrow, and i'll be feeling a lot better. sleep tends to help shake off your emotions. or at least let you escape them for awhile. so although i'm feeling pretty down, i'll end this post on a more uplifting note.

"but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings as eagles;
they shall run, and not be weary;
and they shall walk, and not faint." 

isaiah 40:31 

with warmth & love,

lo

>funny fridays.

today i woke up to a text of a video of some guy dancing up a storm. it was my friend david.

i later saw my friend's facebook status that said, "david did not have much to drink last night."

which later led to quite an amusing conversation on facebook. i miss my friends back home. some people leave high school and never look back. they make new friends and move on. yes i've moved on and made new friends, but i also still have my high school friends, and i know i always will, which i'm grateful for.

2. logging on to facebook to find this suggested post in my newsfeed...

wow. even facebook knows i'm single and thinks i need help. thanks.

3. my roommate karla get's scared very easily. and i mean very. sometimes we like to mess with her because of that. we're awful i know. so today when my other roommate nichel had a gorilla costume, she immediately ran to my room telling me to grab karla. alexis tried to discretely film while nichel and i stood in the kitchen waiting for karla to come.

poor karla. i wish we had videotaped her initial facial reaction. it was priceless. 

happy, funny friday to you all.

with warmth & love,

lo

>where the fairies are.

can i live in a bookstore now? 

>stay.

this morning i woke up bright and early and went for a hike with some good company. 

this hike is one of my favorite places on the island. and one of the most peaceful. 

as i stood at the very top, in the silence i simply listened. the sound of the tree branches dancing as the wind blew, constantly swaying and drifting among the mountains like a domino affect. the concept of time and space came up in conversation. which made me think about this current moment of time and space i am living in. how the people i meet will affect me in one way or another. how the places i visit will affect me. and how the moments i take advantage of will affect me. 

at this current moment of my life, i feel as if i'm constantly saying goodbye. 

"people will always walk in and out of your life. some will stay longer than others. some for a reason, some to teach you a lesson; and the most important one, to teach you about yourself. we won't be able to distinguish which people are here for which reasons until they make their impact. and sometimes, that impact will be love and clarity. other times, it will be hurt and sadness. either way, it will teach you something. and what you gain has the ability to make you that much better off. because truthfully, we are never too old to learn how to be happy." 

i'm not sure why i've met some people, and had to say goodbye to others when i haven't wanted to. but here's what i have learned so far. 

to the person that broke my heart, thanks for teaching me how much better i deserve. 

to the person that i briefly helped carry your mail into your house, thanks for teaching me the power of love in small acts of kindness.

to the person that i only got to be friends with for 2 weeks before you left, thanks for teaching me hope.

i don't know why we cross paths with certain people. some probably call me naive for thinking it's fate. but regardless of the reason or the lesson, i know we all have something to teach each other. to some, i'm glad we said goodbye. to others, i hope our paths cross again one day.

with warmth & love,

lo

>whale tale.

today i saw whales at the end of the point.

that qualifies for a good day.

despite that i'm sleep deprived, and i fell asleep in most of my classes today, it was good.

with warmth & love,

lo

>love outstretched.

this morning i watched the sunrise at the point and spent my time walking around and thinking. it was a cloudy morning, yet still beautiful. i couldn't help but think about jacom. it's weird, how people can be gone for so long and we move on with our lives and get accustomed to them not being there, and yet there are still those days where it's just tough and you just miss them. no matter how many talks you listen to, guiding words you read, or spiritual comforts you receive, sometimes you just shed a few tears over it and that's okay. 

last night i watched elder bednar's devotional. the last few days i've been thinking a lot about jacom, and then to hear that talk... spot on. it's funny how that works. it hit very close to home. i know that it's okay that jacom isn't here anymore and that one day it will all make sense. i have faith that all the dots will connect and i'll be able to see the full picture one day, even if i don't see it now. 

this isn't a post for me write about how sad i am, because i'm okay. sometime's it's just nice to write because it helps me remember. 

i still miss him. i wish he was around for this part of my life. it'd be so nice to have him to talk to. to hear his brotherly advice.

i miss his humor. i miss his sarcasm. i miss his laugh. i miss him. 

this is my favorite picture of jacom and my sister. he loved my sister so much. he was over the moon for her. it gives me hope that maybe one day i'll feel loved by someone as much as jake loved my sister. 

that's a comforting thought. 

with warmth & love,

lo

>thank goodness for weekends.

spent the saturday in waikiki surfing some baby waves. mostly we just goofed around on our boards,
 basked in the sun, and acted like 5-year-olds in the water. it was grand. 

i present to you, super saturday: gopro edition 

did i mention how much i love this place and these people?

with warmth & love,

lo

>big jet plane.

some time ago, i created this bucket list. i continually add things to it, and i'm convinced it'll one day be so long that it'll be almost impossible to accomplish, but i add on anyways. one of the items on it was to sing at an open mic night. a few weeks ago i finally checked that one off. 

singing is something that i've always loved. when i was younger, my dream was to be the next britney spears... my parents were a little worried. i remember telling my mom that i would do everything and anything to be a famous singer and begged her to help me. she told me it would be a lot of hard work and there would be a lot of things i would have to do. i didn't care, i was thrilled and told her i'd do anything and asked her where to start. she said all great musicians start by cleaning their room. and away i went, cleaning my room faster than i ever had before. i laugh now looking back at that story. my mom was quite the clever one. 

although my dreams of being the next britney have changed (which i'm glad they have) i still love singing. mostly to my shower head. singing in front of people actually really scares me. one concept i've really been trying to learn lately is to live by faith, not fear. 

fear is something that can so easily take over our lives. fear of the unknown. but ever since one of my biggest fears came true, i realized that there's no point in living out of fear. so it's been a goal of mine to accomplish different fears this semester. 

"for god hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 

2 timothy 1:7

so with all that being said, here's the video from that open mic night. iphone quality, sorry. my lovely roommate jordan and i threw this together an hour before open mic night so it was a little rough. regardless, i'm glad we did. also, forewarning *this song is about a girl... but it was too confusing to change it to being about a boy... soooo yeah. we don't roll like that. 

-lo

>master of my fate.

i've currently been reading playing the enemy by john carlin which is about nelson mandela uniting the apartheid south africa through the rugby world cup. it was later turned into a movie called invictus, which is also the title of this poem. 

out of the night that covers me,

black as the pit from pole to pole,

i thank whatever gods may be

for my unconquerable soul.

in the fell clutch of circumstance

i have not winced nor cried aloud.

under the bludgeonings of chance

my head is bloody, but unbowed.

beyond this place of wrath and tears

looms but the horror of the shade,

and yet the menace of the years 

finds, and shall find, me unafraid. 

it matters not how strait the gate,

how charged with punishments the scroll.

i am the master of my fate:

i am the captain of my soul. 

the last two lines have been on my mind a lot lately, replaying over and over. 

i am the master of my fate:

i am the captain of my soul. 

i've been sitting here for awhile, trying to type the right words to describe what it means to me. but nothing seems to really describe it well enough. so i'll let it sink in your own hearts and minds to decide what it means. 

-lo

>free.

the other evening i took a walk down to the point. there's something so peaceful about getting out and walking. the evening time is my favorite. i used to set aside time where every day at 5pm i would go for a walk on the beach. the lighting around then is pure magic. 

tonight i went for a run, and wound up at the end of the point again. the sun had already set and the night sky was darkening quickly. the stars were slowly appearing before my eyes as if i had splattered the sky with my paint brush. the soothing lyrics of mumford and sons were streaming through my headphones and piercing my heart. 

"there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. 

and love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears. 

get over your hill and see what you find there, 

with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair." 

we all have those hills or mountains we have to get over. i finally feel like i'm conquering my mountain. that feeling is indescribable. it's freeing. i stood at the end of the point, hands stretched out, embracing the powerful wind that seeped between my fingers like silk, and the occasional, soothing mist of salt water on my face. i felt like i could breathe again. 

so what comes next? i'm not too sure. but i know that we should be grateful for the mountains that we are given. people kept telling me that. i rolled my eyes, and thought how dumb. why should i be grateful for trials and hardships? but as i'm sitting here, my heart overwhelmed with peace, i can now say that i am grateful and hopeful for what comes next, whatever that may be. 

i am free. 

-lo

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good.

i felt a glimpse of hope yesterday. it was good.
good seems like such a simple word and not the right choice to explain how i felt. but i'll stick with good because it really was good. and right now, i'll definitely take all the good i can get.
hope is a good feeling. it's nice to have it around again.
just some rambling thoughts i wanted to write down.

...

the months are passing by quicker than i can even imagine. 

while my life is a whirlwind right now, i feel so pressed for time. and even as i'm writing this little post, i can't help but think about how i should be working on hw, checking my email, or review my notes before class in 30 minutes. but, i'm here. trying to push out my other worries. 

i design a lot of posters at my school, which is very stressful at times, but so wonderful because it allows me to live out my art. i've been thinking a lot about art lately and how much i miss it. i pass by the art classrooms every day and i can't help but think about how much i miss it. yes, i'm still minoring it, but i only have 2 more classes to take. 

my dreams have changed, and i love my new dreams that deal with peacebuilding. but i can't help but think about how i still want to fulfill my art dreams too. there's so much i want to do these days. 

i don't even remember the last time i pulled out my camera and just took pictures (and no i don't count instagram). while i love everything i'm doing and it's not necessarily bad that i'm so busy all the time...

i'm scared i'm missing the beauty in every day. 

oh hey?

yeahh i still exist and so does this blog. 

i miss this space of mine and i want to update my splurge of thoughts again. 

tomorrow i'll write again.

but for now i'll just end with this scripture:

psalm 100:5 

for the Lord is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.

L

>i promise i'm still alive.

whoever said summer classes were a good idea was seriously wrong.
despite that it's summer and i'm in paradise... yet stuck inside most of the time with class,
life is still pretty grand.

>happy half.

many years ago i was watching some kid tv show. i think it was arthur? not sure. and the kid celebrated his half birthday. i then asked my mom why i didn't celebrate mine? my mom being the loving and sweet person she was said we could celebrate my half birthday that year. being young, my family made a big deal out of it to make me feel special. that they did. and little did they know that i would remember and keep the tradition going for the rest of my life. i mean come on, why not celebrate another day where cake is involved?

it's sort of become a joke because we only celebrate my half birthday and no one else's half. (obviously my parents love me the most). my sister insists on the ridiculousness of it all; but i know she's really just jealous that she didn't think of it first. so i'm happy to say that today was my 20 1/2 birthday! oh happy day!

>home.

a few more random pictures from kenneth's visit to georgia.
i love georgia, and i'm having a lot of mixed feelings about leaving at the end of the week.
why are my two homes so far away?

>don't smile hayden.

don't smile.
nope.
you're not allowed to smile.
no smiling.
hayden, don't do it.