3 years ago today my family and i said goodbye to an amazing person. jacom larson. but rather than being sad all day about missing him, i'm trying to take my sister's advice and celebrate the day. celebrate the life jacom lived. celebrate life.
i wish you were still here.
i wish my sister had her true love here, her husband.
i wish hayden had a dad.
i wish i had my brother.
i wish our family was complete.
i wish you could pin me down to the floor and tickle me again.
but you're gone and 3 years later i still have a really tough time understanding why you had to leave. it seems so unfair. i've questioned it a lot.. why do bad things happen to good people? i don't think i'll ever get any peace of mind knowing why you had to leave this earth. but i have faith that one day it will all make sense. obviously our heavenly father needed you more than we did. i know you look over all of us every day. it doesn't take away the fact that i miss you always though. i admired you so much. i admired you and beka together. i admired what you two had. i hate the past tense. i admire what you guys have.
it all still breaks my heart.
i hate how whenever i hear the word cancer i immediately think of you. i don't want to connect you to your death. i want to connect you to the amazing life you lived and the wonderful and fun times we all shared with you. so i'm going to try harder to celebrate life. celebrate your life. in the words of my sister,
"I will use October 21st as a day to remember how lucky I am to have time. I ask that y’all join me. Do something today that shows how blessed you are to be living. Eat cake for dinner (and don’t feel guilty about it), stop doing work and get on the floor and play with your kids, hug and kiss your special one just a little bit more, call someone you haven’t talked to in a while, go skinny dipping, do a Chinese fire drill, take a walk outside and look at the world, turn your phone off, just do something."
i could sit here and write on and on about the things i wish could happen. but at the end of the day, i know i can't change things. it was a blessing just to have you in my life. thank you. thank you so much for loving my sister and hayden so much. thank you for loving me. i love you. forever and always. and i can't wait for that day when i get to see your smiling face again.
L
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