i spent the first month and a half of 2014 in tanzania, africa. i was volunteering at an orphanage and primary school with my best friend alexis.
honestly, it was one of the most difficult experiences of my life. there is no way i will ever be able to write down all the emotions i felt during my time in africa. i'm so grateful alexis was there to understand it all with me.
sometimes i feel like africa was a dream. the cozy life i live in the united states is just so opposite of everything my life was like in tanzania.
we had no running water. i went 13 days without showering.
electricity was never consistent.
no internet. (tv, wifi.. haha yeah right).
the food... don't get me started, i might throw up... again.
toilet? more like a hole in the ground filled with bugs and other creatures that are too freaky to write about.
make up? no. how many times did i wash my clothes? (you really don't want to know the answer to that question. never.)
the bed i slept in was a thin 2 inch mattress pad with painful bars underneath (i never slept through the night once).
safe? no.
only white person in the entire town? yes.
mud streets (talk about a struggle when it rained)
a million mosquito bites (thank goodness for those nasty malaria pills)
and never knowing what anyone was saying because you don't speak the language.
the list could go on forever.
in all honesty, there are a lot of times i think about how grateful i am to be home and how i could never do all of that again. but at the same time, i also think about everything i learned that i never would have been able to.
i miss the people of africa. i miss the simplicity of africa. the first week i was home from africa i was standing in forever 21 at the mall and had a breakdown and began to cry. i felt so ugly. i had spent the last month and a half where everyone thought i was beautiful even though i wore zero make up, never showered, had smelly clothes, unshaven legs, etc. now i was home and so overwhelmed with pictures, magazines, social media, and friends that are constant influences on how you "are supposed to look to be pretty". i'll never forget that awful feeling. it still lingers and i miss what africa taught me about beauty. i wish i didn't care so much now that i'm home.
i miss the beautiful smiles of the kids i hugged and tickled. i miss the beauty and strength of a mother of 7 who was always smiling despite that her husband left her and she lived in a room the size of a closet with her 7 children. i miss the beauty of the city of karatu and even though it was mostly brown, there was always so much beauty of the earth to look at.
everyone has their opinion about africa, like it's this one city with a million problems and in deep poverty. when in fact, africa is a huge country full of lots of diversity. and while there are problems, sometimes i just wish everyone would stop ragging on all of "their problems" when they are ignoring the problems that our own country has. no running water sucked. but a lifetime of pressure and expectations about what you need to do to be beautiful in this country sucks too.
the most beautiful i've ever felt in my life was probably the week after i got home from africa. showering for the first time and looking in the mirror, i felt so pretty by just washing my face and hair. i didn't wear make up for awhile after i got home. and every time i looked in the mirror (as conceited as this may sound) i felt so beautiful.
i miss africa tonight. i miss the people and the experiences. it was so hard and so awful at times. but goodness, it was amazing.
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